the holiday are long over

Well the holidays are long over and the tree has finally be put away. the only remains is the one lone ornament that was missed on the tree, it now finds its restin place in my jewelery box drawer. It finds it home there because it is old. I got it probably 30 years ago from my cousins. Its a glass wreath with gold words hanging in the middle, love peace and joy. It hold memories when touched of years gone by, of traditions passes on to generations, to come.

Tomorrow is January 17th and is the 14th anniversary if you will of my Grandpas death. I have so many regrets when it comes to Grandpa, I feel guilty for not going to see him more, for him not being able to be at my wedding. That I cant sit with him out by the Fox Hound pens and drink fresca anymore. I regret that Ashlee never got to know him. I don't think I will ever forget that day. Jan 17 , 1997 , it was 4pm and mom had went to town for some reason with Tommy. I was sitting in my living room watching the Oprah show . Dan was at work. Harlan opened the door stepped inside and said "Howard Brookover has died. ' My world turned black. Was he anypart of my flesh and blood. No. Was he the only Grandpa i ever knew? Yes.
No he cant be dead, I didn't get to say goodbye Why didn't I go see him in the hospital.? he only had pnemonia I will see him when he gets out. I was tired. Don't know why I wasn't working anywhere, I had quite last year to try and have a baby. No i need one more hug. I want to hear him laugh one more time. I want to tease him about his big toe and take him one more monkey. to hear grandma tell him to turn the light on the electric bill is paid.
But it was not to be. the next day was my birthday. No i did not want to celebrate, Dans family tried everything to get me in good spirits but to no avail. I spent days crying and here we are 14 years later and I still miss him like it was yesterday.

God watch over my family and keep us in your care.

Twas the night before Christmas Eve.

Twas the Night before Christmas Eve, The pies have been made , rice krispy treats are done and the Ham is ready to be baked. They turkey is ready for cooking and me. I am sitting here dreading the fact that I have to work tomorrow and wont get to help cook any of it. My dad has oppted to wait til I get home to eat at least then we will exchange gifts. Our gifts are wrapped an most are under the tree. God is so amazing we have what we need for everyday.

The phone has just bad news Dans sister has had two heart attacks today. She is in ICU. Six years ago we lost his mother on the 18th of December and had her funeral on the 21st of December. I hope that LInda will be okay. So much sickness, cancer, heartattcks, makes you
kinda wonder why but then I know that God does not want us to question him. So I pray the he is with us all daily

Whats your favorite Christmas Memory

I love Christmas stories, I have been thinking a lot this year about christmas's past. I have been trying to figure out what is my very first Christmas Memory. I seem to want to remember every aspect of Christmas. Somehow Its like I want to relive every thing that I have done. maybe its because I miss my Mom so much. I rememmmmber her saying that all she wanted for Christmas was a day of peace and quiet. After I got married and Had Ashlee we started having Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas Day with His family. That way the kids could play with there toys. One year Christmas was on a Sunday we went to Church and then stayed home for the rest of the day I was one of the best Christmas I remember having.
We started some of our own traditions one of which is opening presents one person at a time. So that we can all see the expressions on their faces. We also make Christmas Cinnamon rolls every year for breakfast. Last year was a long day. Missing mom I hope this year will be better.

God thank you for being with me through everything..

Memories

Christmas Memories , there are so many but what is the first one I have. I find myself trying to figure that out. I remember getting a Mash 4077 play set with the entire unit including figures of the people. I remember getting lincoln logs, I dont remember how old I was when i got them. I remember getting the Sears Wish Book every year and Mom would have us go through it and circle 3 things that we wanted, that didn't mean that we would get them but it gave her ideas. One year I wanteda city. It had streets, houses, shrubs, flowers people cars everrything that a city would have. I remember opening it on Christmas Morning So excited. That afternoon we tried to put it together. It was all made out of cardboard (we did not relize this when I marked it in the book) it was impossible to put together after hours of trying we gave up. Never did get to play with that. Don't remember where it ever went to. I didn't like to play with Barbie dolls but one year I got a Barbie pool and Cabana set. Played with it only a few times then passed it down to my niece. Always wanted a telescope, never got that.
Christmas Dinners, and opening presents. Traditions of homemade popcorn balls and candies,
spendingtime together is the best memories. I love my family.

lack of money

Wonder why when both my husband I both work full time we have not the money to do the things that need done. Oh how sometimes I wish that I could go out to eat more than we do, to Go see a movie more than once in a blue moon, to not wonder why others have more money than they need and others have not nearly enough. I wonder how we will ever pay for all the medical bills that we have and how we will ever pay for college for our daughter. This week its hard to see how we will pay for the food we need to purchase . Nothing to much just , milk, bread, eggs, flour and something to make lunch sandwiches out of. It will be okay i know because God has told us that he will not give us more than we can handle. He also told us that he would supplie our needs . We need only to ask. He is amazing. i dont know if anyone else reads this blog. I think maybe its just my place to write my pep talks. LOL. how is the world. It is a sad situation and Heaven is a wonderful place. I am striving to get there someday.

MOm i know that you are there.in heaven,, My friend Daisy is there now too. I hope that you both are loving it. God I love you. Jesus thank you for dieing for me.

Holiday Season

Seems crazy that it is time once again for the Christmas . This will be the second one without Mom. I feel a little more with the holiday spirit this year. I am sure that my mom would not want me or any of us to quit living. I am sure that my dad is missing her like there is no tomorrow. I feel like he is failing in health but then I wonder if it is just missing mom. The responsiblility of taking care of family is huge on my mind. I wish that everyone could just get a long all the time. But that would be a fantasy right.

A teenage daughter

It is offical my child is a teen ager. Yikes when did that happen. Seems to me it must have been when I was blinking or maybe it was while I was taking a nap. She is starting to show so many talents and gifts. She wants to be an artist. She has always been drawn to color and design. For this birthday she got oil paints and brushes, we had to run out an by canvases. She has painted a beautiful picture of a flower. A close up really, I am almost scared to blink again she might just be walking down the aisle or graduating from college. Lord I pray that you would always keep her in your loving hands . Don't let her fall to hard from the lessons that she must learn. Help her to do right and walk away from wrong. Father she is your child and I trust you to watch over her when I can not be there myself. Guide and direct her life and path Lord. Surround her with true friends and love