WOw , where is time going to ... How can it keep flying by... christmas is in 14 days... I think everything is purchased except maybe some candy... Baking has yet to be done and candy stilll needs to be made... I would love to go to a movie on Friday night.. Its the new chipmunks movie.. no money for that as usual.. got the living room cleaned today ... made a place to put the tree... yepp still procrastinating..
Husband and daughter went to church and to the church christmas dinner.. I slept.. took some meds and slept somemore.. Really wish this stuff would go byy bye.
Getting myself up was diffincult.. sleep felt so good after two weeks of not sleeping .. now I just hope that I will sleep tongiht.
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
finding my way back
I think that I have been lost for a while now.. Last time I stopped in was in April.. alot of things have happened since then.. I lost a total of 43 lbs for one and since september have probably gained 20 of it back.. Have been trying to find my way back to taking care of me and each time. I fail epically... I find an excuse not to do it .. let myself believe that because my clothes still fit I am ok but the horrid truth is Im not okay. I can feel the returning fat around my neck , in my stomach, ass and legs.. i dont want this and I know that I must get the fat ass off the couch and walk.. do sit ups, ssquats , toe touches and everything else that I was doing when i was losing..
Maybe I need to post a picture on my wall of a morbid obese person much like myself!! Having gastric bypass surgery or injecting insulin because their sugar is to high.. I need to relize a visual.. after all it was only after the doctor pissed me off that I found it in me to kick my oown ass and start.. I think that Iwill start a eating blog.. .. recipes that i eat to lose weight ... something in the future to work toward.. .. also going to buy my outfit in my dream size and make it my goal to one day get into it.. gotta lose 130 more pounds.. yepp putting that in writing. after that I will see in i need to lose more...
Some how some way I am getting there !!! size 14 here I come..
Maybe I need to post a picture on my wall of a morbid obese person much like myself!! Having gastric bypass surgery or injecting insulin because their sugar is to high.. I need to relize a visual.. after all it was only after the doctor pissed me off that I found it in me to kick my oown ass and start.. I think that Iwill start a eating blog.. .. recipes that i eat to lose weight ... something in the future to work toward.. .. also going to buy my outfit in my dream size and make it my goal to one day get into it.. gotta lose 130 more pounds.. yepp putting that in writing. after that I will see in i need to lose more...
Some how some way I am getting there !!! size 14 here I come..
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
on my way to being healthy
Today is April 27th. I have been on this journey for 76 days. WOW what a record. Have I been 100% perfect. NO Have I messed up YES!! Am i loosing weight YES 20 pounds so far. I will be going for my next weigh in on Friday May 6th.
I can not believe that I am being successful. I have come to realize that I would not be doing this if not for the help of my Lord. I know that people are praying for me and I know that he is watching over me daily. He has helped me to stay dedicated to the direction and path that Weight loss is taking me. ....Do I sometimes want to eat the wrong things? No because i have not made any food off limits I just eat less of it. I very rarely go back for seconds on anything. I no longer live to eat . I now eat to live. I am changing in so many ways. Loosing weight and also in mind set. I know this journey will be life long because I will be watching what I eat everyday for the rest of my life.
So far its been and amazing journey and I cant wait to see the changes to come.
I want to thank God for his love and grace, Praise him for his help:)
I can not believe that I am being successful. I have come to realize that I would not be doing this if not for the help of my Lord. I know that people are praying for me and I know that he is watching over me daily. He has helped me to stay dedicated to the direction and path that Weight loss is taking me. ....Do I sometimes want to eat the wrong things? No because i have not made any food off limits I just eat less of it. I very rarely go back for seconds on anything. I no longer live to eat . I now eat to live. I am changing in so many ways. Loosing weight and also in mind set. I know this journey will be life long because I will be watching what I eat everyday for the rest of my life.
So far its been and amazing journey and I cant wait to see the changes to come.
I want to thank God for his love and grace, Praise him for his help:)
Monday, February 21, 2011
My new Journey
Been a while since I have posted anything. I have started on a new journey . This is one that will be a a major change in my life. I have started on a weight loss lifestyle change. I have discovered that I deserve to be happy and healthy.
I went to the doctor and he suggested weight loss . i had discussed it a couple of years ago with a surgeon . I however have put in the very back of my mind. I told my doctor to give 6 months to do it on my own. To try it myself.
I am so ready to succeed. I have been on this journey for a lttle over a week and have been exercising and eating better. I still have weaknesses, but they are minimal. . >>
i have found a wonderful website that helps me to track calories and exercise. There are people therer to cheer you on.
My only wish is that my husband would join me......... maybe in due time.
I have discovered that i love me and I deserve more than what I have.
I went to the doctor and he suggested weight loss . i had discussed it a couple of years ago with a surgeon . I however have put in the very back of my mind. I told my doctor to give 6 months to do it on my own. To try it myself.
I am so ready to succeed. I have been on this journey for a lttle over a week and have been exercising and eating better. I still have weaknesses, but they are minimal. . >>
i have found a wonderful website that helps me to track calories and exercise. There are people therer to cheer you on.
My only wish is that my husband would join me......... maybe in due time.
I have discovered that i love me and I deserve more than what I have.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
the holiday are long over
Well the holidays are long over and the tree has finally be put away. the only remains is the one lone ornament that was missed on the tree, it now finds its restin place in my jewelery box drawer. It finds it home there because it is old. I got it probably 30 years ago from my cousins. Its a glass wreath with gold words hanging in the middle, love peace and joy. It hold memories when touched of years gone by, of traditions passes on to generations, to come.
Tomorrow is January 17th and is the 14th anniversary if you will of my Grandpas death. I have so many regrets when it comes to Grandpa, I feel guilty for not going to see him more, for him not being able to be at my wedding. That I cant sit with him out by the Fox Hound pens and drink fresca anymore. I regret that Ashlee never got to know him. I don't think I will ever forget that day. Jan 17 , 1997 , it was 4pm and mom had went to town for some reason with Tommy. I was sitting in my living room watching the Oprah show . Dan was at work. Harlan opened the door stepped inside and said "Howard Brookover has died. ' My world turned black. Was he anypart of my flesh and blood. No. Was he the only Grandpa i ever knew? Yes.
No he cant be dead, I didn't get to say goodbye Why didn't I go see him in the hospital.? he only had pnemonia I will see him when he gets out. I was tired. Don't know why I wasn't working anywhere, I had quite last year to try and have a baby. No i need one more hug. I want to hear him laugh one more time. I want to tease him about his big toe and take him one more monkey. to hear grandma tell him to turn the light on the electric bill is paid.
But it was not to be. the next day was my birthday. No i did not want to celebrate, Dans family tried everything to get me in good spirits but to no avail. I spent days crying and here we are 14 years later and I still miss him like it was yesterday.
God watch over my family and keep us in your care.
Tomorrow is January 17th and is the 14th anniversary if you will of my Grandpas death. I have so many regrets when it comes to Grandpa, I feel guilty for not going to see him more, for him not being able to be at my wedding. That I cant sit with him out by the Fox Hound pens and drink fresca anymore. I regret that Ashlee never got to know him. I don't think I will ever forget that day. Jan 17 , 1997 , it was 4pm and mom had went to town for some reason with Tommy. I was sitting in my living room watching the Oprah show . Dan was at work. Harlan opened the door stepped inside and said "Howard Brookover has died. ' My world turned black. Was he anypart of my flesh and blood. No. Was he the only Grandpa i ever knew? Yes.
No he cant be dead, I didn't get to say goodbye Why didn't I go see him in the hospital.? he only had pnemonia I will see him when he gets out. I was tired. Don't know why I wasn't working anywhere, I had quite last year to try and have a baby. No i need one more hug. I want to hear him laugh one more time. I want to tease him about his big toe and take him one more monkey. to hear grandma tell him to turn the light on the electric bill is paid.
But it was not to be. the next day was my birthday. No i did not want to celebrate, Dans family tried everything to get me in good spirits but to no avail. I spent days crying and here we are 14 years later and I still miss him like it was yesterday.
God watch over my family and keep us in your care.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Twas the night before Christmas Eve.
Twas the Night before Christmas Eve, The pies have been made , rice krispy treats are done and the Ham is ready to be baked. They turkey is ready for cooking and me. I am sitting here dreading the fact that I have to work tomorrow and wont get to help cook any of it. My dad has oppted to wait til I get home to eat at least then we will exchange gifts. Our gifts are wrapped an most are under the tree. God is so amazing we have what we need for everyday.
The phone has just bad news Dans sister has had two heart attacks today. She is in ICU. Six years ago we lost his mother on the 18th of December and had her funeral on the 21st of December. I hope that LInda will be okay. So much sickness, cancer, heartattcks, makes you
kinda wonder why but then I know that God does not want us to question him. So I pray the he is with us all daily
The phone has just bad news Dans sister has had two heart attacks today. She is in ICU. Six years ago we lost his mother on the 18th of December and had her funeral on the 21st of December. I hope that LInda will be okay. So much sickness, cancer, heartattcks, makes you
kinda wonder why but then I know that God does not want us to question him. So I pray the he is with us all daily
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Whats your favorite Christmas Memory
I love Christmas stories, I have been thinking a lot this year about christmas's past. I have been trying to figure out what is my very first Christmas Memory. I seem to want to remember every aspect of Christmas. Somehow Its like I want to relive every thing that I have done. maybe its because I miss my Mom so much. I rememmmmber her saying that all she wanted for Christmas was a day of peace and quiet. After I got married and Had Ashlee we started having Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas Day with His family. That way the kids could play with there toys. One year Christmas was on a Sunday we went to Church and then stayed home for the rest of the day I was one of the best Christmas I remember having.
We started some of our own traditions one of which is opening presents one person at a time. So that we can all see the expressions on their faces. We also make Christmas Cinnamon rolls every year for breakfast. Last year was a long day. Missing mom I hope this year will be better.
God thank you for being with me through everything..
We started some of our own traditions one of which is opening presents one person at a time. So that we can all see the expressions on their faces. We also make Christmas Cinnamon rolls every year for breakfast. Last year was a long day. Missing mom I hope this year will be better.
God thank you for being with me through everything..
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